Prelude
Nick slammed his foot down on the gas pedal, urging the car forward. The words of Sofia’s message burned in his mind as he gripped the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white. The clock on the dash read 11:51am. Was he too late? In her message, she said he only had until noon.
Was it really going to take her death to make him admit the truth? Why couldn’t he have just told her before? There were so many chances, so many perfect moments. Then she wouldn’t have resorted to this.
“Damn you!” he cursed himself.
He tried calling her cell phone again, knowing she wouldn’t pick up. No matter how fast he tried to go, he was not going to get to her house in record time in Hollywood traffic.
“I’m almost there, Sofia. Wait for me!” He sped up the hill only seconds away from her house now, the knot in his stomach growing tighter the closer he got.
Chapter One
“Hmm,” Sofia sighed, unconsciously twirling her hair between her fingers. If only she could find the kind of love Anne and Captain Wentworth had found. She was reading Persuasion. Again. She set the tattered book in her lap and dog-eared one of the pages. If she tried to fold that corner one more time, she knew it would break off.
“It’s never gonna happen,” she said. She was seventeen years old. Never been kissed. Never had a boyfriend. Her mother probably already had a husband picked out for her too. No, love was definitely not in the cards for her.
“What?” asked Jenna, the model next to Sofia.
“Uh, nothing,” Sofia said. She hadn’t realized she said anything out loud. “Just talking to myself.”
Jenna rolled her eyes and looked away.
Sofia shrugged. She didn’t care that most of the models here hated her. It wasn’t her fault she was born into the Kingsley family. She hated it more than these starving waifs did. Sitting backstage at a fashion show, getting ready to walk the catwalk fifty times in one night was not her idea of a fun time. Most people would consider this glamorous and exciting – most of the girls here did.
Frowning, she glanced up and felt Nick’s steady eyes on her. Even at the other end of the room, in the midst of the throng of people backstage, he had a way of keeping tabs on her. She looked away pretending to watch a photographer from a fashion magazine shoot pictures of one of the models. When Sofia was finished getting ready, she would have to go over there to get her pictures taken too. Thinking enough time had lapsed for Nick to look away, she looked back at him. Still watching her. The intensity with which he watched her was almost unsettling. She wished she could just disappear into the floor. Why did he have to go everywhere with her?
“Ugh!” she grumbled under her breath, and looked back down at her book pretending to read, hoping Nick would look away soon.
It angered her that her mother, Vanessa, felt she still needed twenty-four hour surveillance. There were girls here younger than she was, she fumed who had flown all the way across the world by themselves to work these couture shows. Why couldn’t she? Besides, having a bodyguard these days was more of a hindrance than anything else. Even though she had her driver's license, and her own car, she wasn't allowed to driver herself anywhere. When she was fourteen a bodyguard had actually been useful when she needed someone to take her shopping for more books or paints – even though her bodyguard then was that back-stabbing, monster, Trent. Her skin crawled at the thought of him.
There was no freedom from Vanessa, even on opposite sides of the world. To make matters worse, Sofia knew Nick didn’t like her. She could feel his contempt whenever he looked at her. She was sure he hated her world more than she did – if that was even possible. Oh well, she didn’t really trust or like him much either. To her, he was a useless statue positioned in the corner of every place she went – except her apartment at home. Luckily, that was the one place she could escape to without him watching her every move.
Her pseudo nanny wasn’t the biggest thing bugging her. The real problem right at the moment was it was an hour before the show started, and she craved a cigarette badly. She was beginning to feel the frantic, searching feeling when she went too long without a smoke. She wished Nick would just go to the bathroom or do something, anything, besides watch her. She glanced around at all the other models sending cloudy plumes of delicious carbon monoxide up above their heads. Vanessa would throw a fit if she knew Sofia smoked. Nick probably suspected it. But Sofia didn’t want to smoke in front of him. If he knew for sure, he might pass that information directly to Vanessa. And Sofia did everything she could to avoid any confrontations with that woman these days.
But that’s what models do, right? They smoke, they drink, and they starve. So why couldn’t Sofia just be like the rest of them? Most of them seemed happy in this business. That just made it worse for her. All the models stayed in the same hotel, went to the same parties and even hung out with each other on their precious week off in between shows and photo shoots.
Vanessa was the one who wanted Sofia to join the ranks of the runway girls four years ago. Yet, Vanessa only made things worse by keeping Sofia segregated. Sofia had to stay in different hotels than the other models. She flew in her own jet most of the time, and because of Nick, she had a really hard time getting close enough with anyone here to “hang out” with them in her time off. Besides, she knew most of the girls thought she was stuck up. From all outward appearances, she could understand why they thought that. She hated her mother so much right now! But she laughed at herself for wishing to be like the other models.
“Hey, do you want one?” someone whispered from behind her. She jumped out of her reverie and turned to see Danika exhaling a cloud of smoke with a cigarette balanced in her claw-like fingers. Danika snapped her head back as soon as Sofia turned around.
“Sorry, did I scare you?” Danika said.
Something about Danika made the hair stand up on the back of Sofia’s neck. She had the usual repulsed look on her face that she had whenever she spoke to Sofia. And she didn’t sound sorry. As if Danika could sense Sofia’s unease, she quickly changed her entire tone and expression.
“It’s just that I saw you staring at them smoking, and I thought you needed one too.” She pulled her face into something that was probably supposed to be a smile, but looked more like a painful grimace.
Sofia hesitated, thinking of Nick’s watchful eye. She wondered what Danika was up to, but she wanted a cigarette badly enough to risk sneaking off with her.
“Just tell him you need to go to the little ladies room,” Danika said eyeing Nick. “Look at him standing there with that stupid look on his face,” she snorted. Then she turned and walked toward the restroom.
Sofia looked over at Nick, thought over Danika’s offer for half a second and decided it was a safe risk. He wouldn’t follow her into the restroom. She went over to him trying to seem nonchalant. She had to wait for Shiva, the designer’s assistant, to take a breath in between telling Nick one of her usual lack-luster stories. It was pretty obvious he was totally bored.
“It was just awful. There he was, standing there with his scissors in one hand and a clump of her hair in the other! You can imagine he never worked around here anymore.” Shiva stole a glance at Sofia and glared.
“What do you want?” she demanded.
“What’s up?” Nick cut Shiva off, looking directly at Sofia, seeming relieved by the interruption. He was one of the only people who ever looked Sofia in the eyes when talking to her. Most people seemed so nervous or distracted by who she was that they never granted her the simple common decency of eye contact. Yet when Nick looked at her, it felt like he was really listening. Really paying attention. She admitted to herself the one thing she did like about him were his eyes.
“I- I uh,” she glanced at Shiva. The little vamp was tapping her foot impatiently at the interruption.
Sofia rolled her eyes and turned again to Nick, “I just wanted to let you know,” she said, trying to sound as mature as possible, “that I’m going to the bathroom if that’s okay with you.” God! She sounded like a little girl. So much for mature.
He narrowed his eyes. “Fine, but make it quick.”
Make it quick? Who the hell did he think he was? Up until now, the fact that he was the only one who treated her like a real person was the only thing keeping her from having Vanessa fire him. Not anymore. That’s it, she decided, she had to figure out a way to convince her mother to get rid of Nick. As soon as she turned eighteen, she would be on her own, she decided. Only five months to go.
She spun on her heel and stormed off. She heard Shiva continue, “So, anyway, as I was saying, I’m just glad we all have next week off. What are you going to do?” Sofia could hear the invitation in Shiva’s question. She knew Nick would never go out with Shiva. As far as Sofia knew, he didn’t have a life outside of the Kingsleys. That would all change. Soon, Nick would have plenty of time – when he was fired.
In the bathroom Danika was already pulling out a cigarette for her. Danika handed it over and offered to light it. This was weird. What did she want? Sofia took a deep drag.
“Thanks,” Sofia said and exhaled the smoke into a hazy halo all around her face. She could feel herself relaxing as she took another drag.
“So, there’s this party today after the show. It’s at Hans’ loft. I thought you might like to get away from him,” she motioned at the door indicating Nick, “and get out on your own for once.”
Why did she want Sofia to go? No one had ever invited her to an after party before.
“Hans? Oh… that new photographer that everyone’s enthralled with? I don’t know…” Sofia wondered how she could manage to get away without Nick noticing.
Danika seemed to read her mind, “You’re a big girl now. Just sneak out after the show. You can go out the back. Hans lives only a few blocks away – I’ll draw you a little map. By the time he realizes you’re gone, you’ll be up in Hans’ place having fun with us,” Danika said with a saccharine grin.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll think about it,” Sofia said. She felt like Danika was challenging her. She really did want to get away from Nick, but she also didn’t trust Danika.
She finished her cigarette and walked back out just in time to hear the make-up artist frantically yelling her name.
She walked over to her chair and sat down, avoiding all eye contact with Nick. If she looked at him, she knew she would give away her plans. She had never been a good liar. Luckily, lying was one of Vanessa’s traits Sofia didn’t inherit. There were a few other traits Sofia was grateful she didn’t get from her mother as well.
“Where have you been?” Michael said breathlessly. “I’ve been looking all over for you, darling.”
He turned her chair around to face him.
“Now, let’s make some magic tonight!” He winked.
Michael was one of her favorites. He never judged her. Immediately, she relaxed and let him work his “magic”.
“What are you reading, Sofia?”
Sofia peered up to see who was asking her something no one here had ever bothered to ask. It was Erin. She had spoken to Sofia only a couple times before. She was actually one of the few models who were nice to Sofia.
“Oh, um, it’s Persuasion?” Sofia wondered if Erin had ever heard of it.
Erin picked up the book Sofia had set down earlier on the make-up table. She showed no sign of knowing the book.
“By Jane Austen?” Sofia prompted.
“Oh! I love that movie, Emma. The one with Gwyneth Paltrow?”
“Yup, same author.” Sofia smiled. At least there was some bit of knowledge on Jane Austen.
“Oh, no, Honey, that Keira Knightley one is my favorite. She’s such a doll!” Michael inserted.
“Yeah, that one’s good too, but my favorite is the version of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth.” Sofia couldn’t resist. If they were gonna talk movies, she had to mention the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice. Only Jane Austen snobs like her would know it.
“The Keira Knightley one has some really good things about it too, though,” Sofia agreed.
“So are you going to Han’s party later?” Erin asked.
“Look up, Sweetie,” Michael said, brushing on some eyeliner.
“Don’t know. I haven’t decided yet. Are you going?”
“I haven’t decided either. If you go, I might. I just don’t want to go if no one nice is going.”
Sofia couldn’t help being a little taken aback by Erin thinking she was nice. That was a first.
“Does he let you go out to stuff like that?”
Sofia glanced at Nick. Still looking at her. It's a good thing he didn't have sonar hearing.
She shrugged, “Yeah, but I have to take him with me.”
“Wow,” said Erin.
“Yeah.”
“Do people really try to hurt you while you’re just out minding your own business?” Erin asked. She seemed truly surprised that Sofia’s lifestyle warranted that much protection.
“Normal people don’t usually bother me. It’s the paparazzi that can be a problem. They hide in bushes and stuff and jump out at me to get a picture. Sometimes they chase us when we’re driving somewhere too.”
“Creepy. How can you stand it?” Erin asked.
Sofia didn’t really know how to answer that. The true answer was she couldn’t stand it. But it was her life. She had never known anything else, so she was kind of used to it. Lately, she was beginning to feel the effects of the wear that trying to maintain that image were having on her. She didn’t know how her mother and grandmother had been able to do it all these years. Well, she admitted, her mother has had a nice love affair with gin since she was eighteen or nineteen. Plastic surgery was her grandmother’s coping mechanism. And though both Vanessa and Celeste hated the press, they knew they would be nothing without it. It was a symbiotic relationship of one type of parasite feeding off another. Sofia wondered when she would start to need that too. What would her vice be?
“I guess you just get used to it.” She went for the easy answer. How could she describe it to Erin? It was something you had to be a part of to really understand.
“Well, I hate it when the press follow me around, and I’m not nearly as famous as you are. I’m just doing this to earn enough money for medical school, and then I’m outta here,” Erin said.
“That’s cool,” Sofia said.
Sofia envied her. To be able to plan your own life like that was a freedom Sofia didn’t think she would ever have. All she really wanted was to be carefree. Maybe fall in love. Live a simple life as a painter someplace where no one knew who the Kingsleys were. Deep down she knew that would never happen. Sadly, she had very little time to paint lately since more and more shows and shoots were keeping her busy. Nevertheless, she hopefully toted her sketchbook and pencils everywhere with her in the off chance she would be able to sketch something she could paint later.
“I think I am going to go to the party. See you there?”
“Sounds good!” Erin smiled and ran off to get her pre-show pictures taken.
Sofia decided she was going to enjoy herself on the runway tonight. Then she would go to her first after party – by herself - and finally try to fit in with the other girls. Maybe she could show them she wasn’t who they thought she was. Maybe.
***
Two hours later, Sofia walked down the stale-smelling hallway of Hans’ apartment building. Peering down the near-dark hallway, the faint sound of voices and music escaping from the door at the end were the only thing keeping her from running straight back to the hotel. Something creepy about the building caused her to shiver even though it was muggy. She slowed her quick steps to a casual saunter and tried to catch her breath now that she was sure she had not been followed.
The building’s entrance was from the street below through a little inset doorway. Sofia had to climb narrow steps that led to the second floor where a few apartments existed. She never would have guessed this was where one of the rising photographers in Paris lived if Danika hadn’t of given her the address. Surprisingly, she felt grateful to Danika for giving her a chance to escape the watchful eye of Nick. It was the first time Danika had shown any advance of friendship. It intrigued Sofia that Danika seemed to be strangely fascinated and repulsed by her all in the same breath.
At the moment it didn’t matter how Danika felt about Sofia. What mattered was making it inside that door at the end of the hallway so she could escape from Nick for a few hours. He was probably still back in the lobby waiting for her. After the shows, he usually allowed her a few minutes to wash off the make-up and change back into her own clothes while he waited out front. This gave her the time she needed to sneak out before he noticed she was gone.
As she walked down the hallway, she stopped and turned to look behind her. She thought she heard footsteps on the stairs. She waited for a second and held her breath listening as she recalled a night about a year ago when she tried to sneak out of the hotel. It was right after Nick started as her head of security. She was trying to slip out to see the town by herself. She just wanted a little freedom. She had been to Tokyo a dozen times and never really had the chance to explore. The plan was to find something inspiring to sketch in the night air so she could paint it when she got back home.
Waiting until she saw his light go out across the living room of their suite, she grabbed her bag containing her sketchbook, pencils and room key and slipped quietly out her door into the foyer of the suite. Then she stepped outside their suite into the hotel hallway and almost celebrated her freedom.
When she pulled the door shut, there he was in the hall, leaning against the wall, fully dressed in his usual hipster-come-natural style.
“This is a dangerous town at night, Sofia,” he said.
“Oh, I wouldn’t know. I’ve never seen it at night,” she said, already defeated. She had no idea how he knew she was planning on going out, because she hadn't said a word to anyone. Who was there to tell? But it didn't matter. She skulked back into the suite and went to her room.
Tonight was different. She had made it this far, and she wasn’t turning back.
“It must be my imagination,” she thought aloud as she listened for any more sounds. She stood still for a second longer wondering why she had come to this party. She was scared for an instant and then reminded herself that she wasn’t a baby anymore. She would be fine. She knew how to take care of herself. Besides, she pondered, what could possibly happen to her here? She would be in the company of all her peers.
“Is this Hans’ place?” Someone behind her asked. Sofia jumped. It was a girl coming up the stairs. Sofia relaxed and let her breath out as she realized that the sound she heard earlier must have been this girl on the steps.
“Yeah,” Sofia said to her, trying to sound like she knew what the hell she was doing.
“Good. I was beginning to think Danika lied,” the girl said.
So Danika invited her too. Okay, maybe she had Danika pegged wrong.
Catching her breath, the girl continued, “There are some creepy people hanging around this building. Let’s get inside.”
Sofia nodded.
She found the door for flat number seven and knocked. The girl next to her looked pretty nervous. She couldn’t have been more than fourteen or fifteen years old. Poor thing, Sofia thought. She remembered what it had been like to be just thirteen years old and starting out in this business.
A model Sofia recognized opened the door and let them in. Was it Angela? Angelina? Ange-something? Whatever. Ange-something turned and walked inside leaving Sofia to close the door. This is it. She was here. No turning back now. She took a deep breath and stepped across the threshold.
